god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
