my soul wont recognize me after tonight
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
