Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
