forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
