I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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