dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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