If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
