Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
