i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
high people should be assigned attendants
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
