Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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