No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
