Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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