I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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