I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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