so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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