Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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