im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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