Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
