he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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