i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
