non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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