The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
