Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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