he puts the penis in happiness.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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