a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need water and some morals
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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