Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
