remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
