you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize