I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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