I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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