did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
