I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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