Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
