I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
