when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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