Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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