It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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