Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
