nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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