Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
