Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
