i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need moral support for this bender
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize