I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
