im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We named our party play list daddy issues
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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