Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
