I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
