rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
