***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
