hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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