I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
