no, he came in my armpit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
