Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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