You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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