I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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