We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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