I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
