Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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