The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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