I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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