They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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