shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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