I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
