it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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