Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
