I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
