i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
