3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
