Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
