your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
